Some days....

I think I may be bipolar and am starting on the down side. The last few days I have been feeling rather low at times. If this goes the way it usually does, this will get worse over the next few weeks before I start feeling better. Lately I have really been missing my dad. He is the only person I have had die that I still really miss. His death really affected me in ways I'm still figuring out. I know it made me think a lot more about my own mortality. But, that is not all. I always really loved him and felt he was the only one that really understood me. Unfortunately, it has only been since his death that I am beginning to really understand what a noble and humble man he was. He really sacrificed for his family, much more than anyone else I have known. And this was something he did from a young age. Life really handed him a raw deal, but he never gave up the struggle to make things better for his family. I'm sorry I am not more like him and feel like I could have done more to make him proud of me. After all, I really have just coasted through life. A little struggle here and there, but for the most part, just coasted along. I'm not proud of my life, but it is really hard for a leopard to change his spots.

Anyway, I catch myself thinking of him at odd times and really wishing I could have gotten to know the man better and opened up to him more. You see, I really keep my inner thoughts bottled up inside me. Even my spouse does not know the real me. I think it would scare her if she did. But, then, she has changed a lot in the past few years and I don't really know her anymore. She is a completely different person from the one I married.

Do you think we have a soul? I used to. Now I just hope we do, but feel like we don't. I can see why the idea of a god and heaven is so appealing to people to believe. Otherwise, what is the point of our existence. And when we are dead, that is it, we are dead forever. I'm not even sure about the existence of spirits, though I have experienced events in my life that I can't explain otherwise. Leaves me in quite a quandary.

Well, enough of this. I'm off to bed. I have a headache. Good night dad, where ever your soul may be. I really miss you.

A View from Space

So I have been watching the astronauts working on the ISS and really marvel at what we have accomplished as a people. We can go into space (admittedly low earth orbit), live there for extended periods, work in the vacuum of space, and come back to earth. Yet, almost 40 years after first landing and walking on the moon, our progress in establishing human outposts in space is very lacking. Daily we waste so many precious resources that could and should go to the betterment of the human race. Too many people are more concerned about who the next "American Idol" will be than what is currently going on over their heads. Others are more worried how to insure their particular brand of religion has the ultimate say in politics. Too many people are being murdered each day all in the name of some god. If only one tenth of this negative energy could be funneled into the betterment of humankind, just think of the accomplishments that could be made. Unfortunately, unless people pull their heads out of their collective rectal orifices, we are headed into another dark age. America has been a world leader in taking technology forward. And what we have done the best has been to take discoveries, technologies, techniques, and different practices and meld those into something new and great that we could all benefit from. Now we are becoming adrift through apathy and ignorance. Laws, regulations and educational doctrine are being based on beliefs and not hard scientific data. And this is not only aimed at the "right-wing religious conservatives", but also the "left-wing extremists" who actual try to rewrite history to make their views seem mainstream. If we could just put this petty bickering (and it really is petty in the overall scheme of things), just think how much we could accomplish in the next 40 years.

In the meantime, take a few minutes and enjoy watching the astronauts float in the great cosmos above. Then turn off that stupid TV and go do something REALLY worthwhile.

Who is God?

Wow! What a way to start a blog. But, this is something that has really been pressing on my mind lately. I have actually allowed myself to really question the existence of God. I was brought up in a religious home and was quite active in the church for awhile. However, the question of the existence of God has been in the back of my mind for much of my life. So, to make a long story short, I question the existence of God. I don't know if a deity exists or not, but tend to disbelieve.