And not the good type. At least today hasn't been too bad. So this week I have to start finding a place to put my mom. She cannot stay in my house much longer. It's just not safe.
Now for the one question I have been meaning to ask. Christine, why is it whenever we are talking you seem to hold back and want to say more than you actually do? Is there something you are afraid of or do you just not want to share? My feeling is more the former than the latter, but I have been wrong before though my gut instincts are usually pretty true. Please don't feel like you need to hold back.
OK, short post today. Have a good life.
Monday, July 06, 2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
I'm Drunk
So ignore most of what I type today. "But now I've come to my decision
And it's one of the painful kind" (this artist was lost before his time). I have been taking care of my Mom in one way or another for the past 7 years. Tonight came the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't usually drink, but the situation and subsequent argument that ensued tonight led me to drink. I know this is no excuse, but I needed some numbing.
It is time for my sister to cowboy up and care for her mother for a change. My parents did so much for her and since our father's death she has pretty much ignored our mother. But this is about to change. If I have to dump her on her door step it is going to happen. I cannot have her in my house much longer. I'm hoping greed will make my sister agree. I know it won't be compassion or love. This WILL happen.
Now for my other problem. A thousand times a day I want to tell HER that I love HER. A thousand times a day I bite my tongue. But, I realize that SHE will probably never be mine. So from now on SHE really will only be a friend. I cannot be going insane a thousand times a day for HER and what may never be.
There is just one thing I want to say before I end this. Christine, if you ever read this, just know that you are my forbidden fruit and I will not try to taste you any longer as long as you are forbidden. I LOVE YOU. But I cannot live 2 lives. If this reality continues to change, then we were never meant to be and I must come to grips with that. If there are future un-played out events that do unfold as before, then we shall see. I cannot and will not just wait. I must go on with my life as it is now in this reality and maintain my sanity. But do know this Christine, I do love you and will always be your friend you can count on no matter what occurs. I hope you find your lobster. Have a good life.
I may continue to blog on this forum, but right now I don't know. I will continue to need an outlet and sometimes this is the only way I can do it. I guess that is what happens when you don't have any really good friends with whom you can bare your soul.
Until then, I am the "AgnostikMonk".
Addendum: This has been very hard to edit since I am very drunk. Please ignore and excuse the grammatical or spelling errors that may be present.
And it's one of the painful kind" (this artist was lost before his time). I have been taking care of my Mom in one way or another for the past 7 years. Tonight came the straw that broke the camel's back. I don't usually drink, but the situation and subsequent argument that ensued tonight led me to drink. I know this is no excuse, but I needed some numbing.
It is time for my sister to cowboy up and care for her mother for a change. My parents did so much for her and since our father's death she has pretty much ignored our mother. But this is about to change. If I have to dump her on her door step it is going to happen. I cannot have her in my house much longer. I'm hoping greed will make my sister agree. I know it won't be compassion or love. This WILL happen.
Now for my other problem. A thousand times a day I want to tell HER that I love HER. A thousand times a day I bite my tongue. But, I realize that SHE will probably never be mine. So from now on SHE really will only be a friend. I cannot be going insane a thousand times a day for HER and what may never be.
There is just one thing I want to say before I end this. Christine, if you ever read this, just know that you are my forbidden fruit and I will not try to taste you any longer as long as you are forbidden. I LOVE YOU. But I cannot live 2 lives. If this reality continues to change, then we were never meant to be and I must come to grips with that. If there are future un-played out events that do unfold as before, then we shall see. I cannot and will not just wait. I must go on with my life as it is now in this reality and maintain my sanity. But do know this Christine, I do love you and will always be your friend you can count on no matter what occurs. I hope you find your lobster. Have a good life.
I may continue to blog on this forum, but right now I don't know. I will continue to need an outlet and sometimes this is the only way I can do it. I guess that is what happens when you don't have any really good friends with whom you can bare your soul.
Until then, I am the "AgnostikMonk".
Addendum: This has been very hard to edit since I am very drunk. Please ignore and excuse the grammatical or spelling errors that may be present.
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