You wrote to me

You actually wrote back to me. It is the first thing of substance you have said to me in over two years. And you have no idea what that meant to me. OK, your life has changed in ways that I could never foresee. You have found god or Jesus and feel fulfilled. Honestly, not something I would have expected in a million years. Yet, I am happy for you. I really am. We all need something to hold on to that helps make this chaos that is called life make some kind of sense. I truly hope the happiness continues and grows each day for you.

What I find interesting is that you said you would never email me again and my response to that. You know what? I find I'm actually OK with that. Sure, I'm a little sad (maybe a little more than that) that....I don't even know what to call it....is over. I don't feel like our friendship is over. That is something that will continue throughout eternity. I guess we are just on different roads now on this journey called life and there is no foreseeable time or place where those paths will ever again cross. Perhaps the next one, if there is a next one. I'm just so happy that you feel something special and important in your life. That is all we can truly hope for and I'm so very happy for you. I guess that is why I'm OK knowing I will never see or talk to you again.

Be well my friend and know that I have been and ever shall be your friend to the very end of time.

-The Agnostik Monk

My dearest Christine

I cannot begin to express what you have meant to me. I am also so sorry to have hurt you. And I will forever regret having caused you to be pushed away.

So much has happened to me in the past year or two. I was probably directly a cause of some, if not most of it. Now it is time for me to learn who I am. Me as a solitary person. I have never been without someone that was a part of what defined me. Now there is just me. I have pushed and lost those who were that part of me, sometimes deliberately and some by stupid decisions. I don't know who I am. Kind of late in life to realize that I guess but better than never knowing. 

The trek of this discovery has begun and I have no idea where it will lead. It is frightening to be alone. Maybe this is part of the rite of passage. Am I strong enough? Am I smart enough? Am I resourceful enough? I just don't know.

One thing I have learned is that nothing is written in stone except that this journey through life is finite. We just don't know when it will come to a screeching halt unless we choose that moment to end the trip. So I am going to try and grasp what I can during the short time that is left.