Cosmic Potholes

Well, I'm working at it. But there has been a new wrinkle thrown in. This will convince you I'm insane. I lost an entire year the other day. I mean, I really lost a year. I remember everything that happened in the last year, but now that year hasn't occurred yet. I will not go into any specifics because there are some things that happened that are just too painful to discuss. Suffice it to say, I'm getting a do over. And I don't want it.

While there were some really painful memories (that now haven't actually happened, yet), there were some good things also. And now I don't have those. Just knowing what those things were I'm afraid will interfere with those events happening again. Already, I've noticed a couple of minor things that are different from the first time I traveled this path, or something similar to this path.

Some days it really tears me up that an event is going to happen and feeling helpless to prevent it. I believe in Chaos Theory in that every act, no matter how insignificant, grows in effect the further from the original act and that no two things can happen the same way twice because of other events that are out of your control.

This isn't the first time I have lost time. However, this is the first time that I can recall an entire year and having to replay it. Sometimes, it is a feeling of Deja Vu. Others it is a feeling that something around you just changed. Sometimes you can put your finger on it, other times not. Then there are the times you find that you are not where you were. Such as being in one room and suddenly you're in the next. Or, you are driving down the road and all of a sudden you are driving on the road parallel to the one you thought/were just on.

To make things worse rarely do those around you realize or understand that time/now/situation (whatever you want to call it) just shifted. If you mention it they think you are weird or full of gavno.

The first instance I can really recall this happening in my life was when I was a young teen. I started talking about an antique car that he owned and stored. He stopped me and wondered what the hell I was talking about. I could see the bewilderment in his eyes that he had no recall of this car. I may have had instances before and just didn't realize what they were, but that instance made me realize there was more going on than me making up a story about a car.

I can never guess when they are going to happen. Sometimes they seem to be clustered and there will be several minor shifts in the now reality (for lack of a better term) that occur within a relative short period of linear time. There are other extended periods where nothing seems to happen.

I also feel there are many people who never experience these shifts. There are a few that do sense something, but can't figure out what it is. And there are the very rare who understand that reality shifts. Maybe "our" reality (I don't even know if I would recognize my original reality) touches others and there are some of us, for whatever reason, who fall through these cosmic potholes into the other reality. I guess all you can really do is hang on and enjoy the ride never truly knowing what is around the next corner.

So I have to say this to all those out there who have thought it would be nice to have a do over in life or wished "they knew then what they know now", be careful what you wish for, it may just come true. Having a chance to live through a period you already did (or did I?) and knowing what happened/will happen/may never happen again is not all it's cracked up to be.

Maybe that's the explanation, this is someone else's wish, their "do over" and I got caught up in it. I think I liked where my life was heading. How much would it upset me if I found out this was someone else's "do over" and then find out who and/or why.